Why am I being so stupid???

Why am I being so stupid??
I told myself...
my friends..
that I will give up him..
and I already did give up him..
but...
if there is ssc people around..
sure look around...
to check whether he is around or not..
when I on9..
first thing I do is check whether he got on9 or not..
if he got..
then...I will keep think about..
I wanna talk to him..what should I talk to him?
try to sms him..
but dont know what to sms him..
why am I being so stupid...
I mean..
maybe he dont even know me?
just know my name is Hye Young..korean..16 yr old..studying at ris..
maybe that's all he know about me..
I know it will end up with sad ending..
end up like shit..
untill dont even want to think about it...
I know it will break my heart...
I know there wont be any chance...
I know all these clear...
but..
why cant I just let go off him from my heart???
the day before yesterday..
I sms with him..
about 2 msg..
I sms him at night..
he reply me back at morning...
I almost tell him the truth..
haiz..
I should keep this truth..
I cant tell him...
If I tell him..
maybe there wont eveb have chance to just be friends...
haiz...
this is not the first time I like someone..
this is not the first time I have a crush on someone..
I know how painful is it to like someone..
but..
why I crush on someone..again??
why so stupid...
Look at him for 1 hour from far distance...
doing stupid and useless thing..
I mean..
will he know that I'm looking at him...
from far far distance??
haiz...
I really..really...really..
should close my heart towards him...
I dont know what to do..
choice 1..
tell him that I like him..
then give up..
at least I did tried...
so..maybe will be easier to give up..
choice 2..
dont tell him..
keep it as secret..
and..give up him...
choice 3..
dont give up him..
keep like him..
haiz...
I HAVE NO IDEA...